I'm never good at goodbyes

New Blog

2008-11-08T11:48:00.003+08:00

Hi all, I've changed my blog to,

http://babydollscreams.livejournal.com/

Please re-link me & comment me over there. Thank you!

XOXO, Tiffany <3

This love is difficult, but its real.

2008-11-06T00:28:00.004+08:00

Tiffany's gonna start everything afresh.

Tiffany's gonna love herself more, love those who appreciate her presence.

Tiffany's gonna start working to earn her own money and not rely on her parents since people thinks she's a spoilt brat but SHE ISN'T ONE.

Tiffany is going through a tough time with her relationship but she know she'll make it through.

Tiffany is drawing back to God as each day goes by.

Tiffany wants to reunite with many many people, she needs to date people out soon.

Tiffany needs someone to teach her chinese for her exam next week, yay.

Tiffany can't explain how she's feeling now, her heart's misplaced.

Tiffany's wondering what actually happened on 4 november, why why why.

Tiffany needs some comfort, needs some encouragement.

Tiffany misses America, misses her brothers.

Tiffany wants to pass her N levels, can she?

Tiffany doesn't understand why her life's messing up again, she needs to pull herself together.

Tiffany wants to clean up her room.

Tiffany can't wait for a sleepover party with her girlfriends next week!

Tiffany loves marcus.

Tiffany needs marcus.

Tiffany wants to hug marcus now but he is at everton pork now :(

Tiffany's wondering what kaijie's doing now.

Tiffany's staring at her phone.

Tiffany hates this blog.

Tiffany hates being emo cos emo makes her sad and makes people sad and even cry sometimes.

Tiffany wants to sit on a ferris wheel.

Tiffany needs to get to sleep cos she's going out with kiki tomorrow.

Tiffany's wondering why SOME of her friends went MIA-ING.

Tiffany misses the old times, the good old days.

Tiffany tried her best to be a friend to SOMEONE but that SOMEONE remained arrogant.

Tiffany should just give up.

Tiffany will be happy, SHE WILL.

Tiffany doesn't understand what her heart wants sometimes.

Tiffany is confused.

Tiffany need you.

Tiffany's trying hard.

Tiffany will change.

Tiffany wants to go sailing, sail as far away as she can.

Tiffany wants to be Juliet sometimes cos she "died happily."

I have decided to abandon this blog really soon. Honestly, words helps me to express myself, my feelings & my life and this gives me the perfect reason to blog. Anw. Great, I finally manage to catch HSM 3 Senior Year with marcus yesterday after my exam. He fetched me from school & we had lunch at vivo. Saw renia, hannah, jacqueline & bella, HAHAHA. We sat in the same row in the cinema. I hate vivo now, invaded by so many weirdos, low-class just like that damn anonymous reader. HAHAHA WHO NEEDS COUNSELLING, no wonder didn't come back to tag me cos you're too busy attending counselling sessions :( Aww so sweet of you, you're doing something GOOD for yourself :) Yayness. Btw, can someone tell me how on earth blogger can have a PHOTO QUOTA EXCEED? This is insane, I can't upload a single thing now. Oh wells, I'm gonna change to live journal soon, I'm sick of blogger & xanga. Damnnnn. But don't worry, I'll specially let my haters know my new URL, I LOVE THE WAY THEY HATE ME, IT MAKES ME HAPPY :) INSULT ME MORE PLEASY PLEASE. Wait for my new blog addy people! :) Tiffany is happy, Tiffany doesn't need people who doesn't appreciate her in her life, KARMA KARMA, hohoho. Tiffany used to have some friends close to her, but now they all seems to be BUSY with their life, some have boyfriends and some just can't be bothered cos they're already happy with their life. Honestly feel so f betrayed. At least I still have my close friends by my side and marcus. I DON'T NEED YOU. FUCK FUCK FUCK. This blog brings too much memories. I need a new life, a new entry, a new place to ponder and start over. Blogger seriously, you should just close down. Alright I had enough of LALALALA-ING everything out now :) Teheeee. Damn I love my life. ROCKS MORE THAN YOURS :D PEACE. FYI I DO BELIEVE IN KARMA, DO YOU?

2008-11-02T23:17:00.002+08:00

We were both young when I first saw you
I closed my eyes and the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony in summer air

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
And say hello
Little did I know

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said, "stay away from Juliet"
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you, please don't go
And I said

Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story
Baby, just say yes

So, I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while

Oh oh
Cause you were Romeo, I was the scarlet letter
And my daddy said, "stay away from Juliet"
But you were my everything to me
I was begging you, please don't go
And I said

Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story
Baby, just say yes

Romeo, save me
They try to tell me how I feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story
Baby, just say yes

Oh oh

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you is fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town
And I said

Romeo, save me
I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you, but you never come
Is this in my head
I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
And said

Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad
Go pick out a white dress
It's a love story
Baby, just say yes
'Cause we were both young when I first saw you

2008-11-02T20:52:00.002+08:00

Hello World,

I'm back from my vacation from the states! Yay, finally I can hug my baby boy after seventeen days away from that stupid boy :) HAHA came home at two in the morning and found baby hiding under my study table, hahaha hug him super tighttttttt. And found piglet on my bed, a new huggable from him and a diary where he wrote his "every-day" happenings on it. Thank you sweetheart! Oh! Anyway, he stayed over my place for two solid nights, yayness to that. Bought him many things from states, that boyfriend of mine immediately tried everything on, HAHAHA. His prom night outfit plus suspenders! Okay, jk. Bought like MANY THINGS for myself. I'll try and take pictures of my spree soon ;) My best buy was my pink coach wristlet & my pink juicy couture wallet, baby liked it very much too! Lots of Tinkerbell items too, teehee, tops, skirts, shorts, dresses & many Victoria Secret stuff, VS bag, VS round purse, VS lipstick, VS water bottle & VS pencil case/make-up bag and pumps, slippers, necklaces, bangles, posters, underwearssssss. HAHAHA, and many more which I cannot remember at the moment. I'm so damn happy with my buys and the best of all, I used my savings to buy most of my spree, awesome. I bought baby shirts, shorts, belt, suspenders, spider-man stuff, our name engraved on a dog-tag, lotsa chocolates, jellybeans, american eagles' trunks + boxers & I can't really remember. I'm really happy with America's fashion wise, there's even Forever 21 items for guys, that's where I got baby's shorts. I'm a happy shopper but at the same time I'm really broke now, rahhhhhhh :( Oh wellllls. I'm going to start spending time doing many things since I'm back. Spend time with baby, start getting a JOB, I NEED MONEY. Start catching up with my "hi-bye" friends, primary school friends and miki tan & co, swenn, elize, bianca, theodore, russell & the "oop". I MISS YOU GUYS.

On top of that, I'm really glad that I got the opportunity to spend time with my two brothers. I love them to bits. Well, I went to quite a bit of places, first it was Tokyo Narita (it was a transit), Seattle, Washington D.C (another transit), Buffalo New York & Canada Toronto :) Went for an American Football match & Ice Hockey game, it was a blast. I love americans, I love the atmosphere there, I just love America. I shall get marcus to migrate with me there, teehee. I wish! I bet he'll never agree to that >:( And I have plenty of pictures to upload, truckloads of them and that will take me forever to do so but I shall upload them on friendster and facebook first. And I guess my pictures will tell my story for the seventeen days so wait for me to upload my pictures okay :) For the record, marcus changed his phone to some LG pink touch screen (!!!!!!!) Unfair! And so I asked him, WHY PINK! Then he went, "I thought you like pink, so I'm learning to like pink too and we can exchange phones too." I was at all smiles when I heard that, baby's the sweetest thing. This sunday's our fifth month! Time flies indeed, and we have already made plans :) Yayness, I'm really the happiest girl sometimes. Tomorrow's baby's Social Studies exam, he's almost done with his O's. YAY. Baby, you already got the chicken essence brain, so don't need to drink k cos I know you don't have any at home already, HAHA. All the best tomorrow, and all the best to me on tuesday for my F&N which I have not even touched. Okay, I'll blog again soon. Bye dawgs, love love.

I love MARCUS SEAH KAI JIE cos no other boy can beat you in your sweetness :D

XOXO

2008-10-24T22:41:00.002+08:00

Tiffany just left Seattle yesterday.
Tiffany's in Buffalo New York now.
Tiffany's going Canada soon for a road trip.
Tiffany misses her boyfriend x(12751275725753) truckloads.
Tiffany misses her friendsssss.
Tiffany's gonna screw up her f&n exam.
Tiffany's suffering from Jetlag, cough & flu.
Tiffany's freezing in the minus degrees chamber.
Tiffany wants to hug marcus seah kai jie now cos only he keeps her warm.
Tiffany needs to find the call card soon.
Tiffany needs to stop spending money cos she's only left with 100 USD.
Tiffany loves her family.
Tiffany loves her brothers.
Tiffany will be back on 1 November, 1AM.

2008-10-21T12:19:00.000+08:00

I miss my baby MARCUS SEAH KAI JIE, I love you baby :)

2008-10-18T23:10:00.004+08:00

I'm in SEATTLEEEEEEEEE (: This is so fun, its 7:11AM over here & we're just about to leave for breakfast with Thaddeus. Yay, i love my brother. Anw, marcus. I'm missing you each and everyday. I'm so lost without being with you for so long, AHHHH. Just remember that I'll always love you baby :( But I shall be happy and marcus, please be happy too. You BETTER study for your exams, please? If not I'm gonna swear that its my fault cos I went away when you needed me the most. I'm sorry, forgiven? I love you baby! PS: Happy Sweet Sixteen Swenn Long you bitch, I know its belated but its still 18 Oct over here. AHAHA. Oh man, I'm starting to miss home already, miss being in school with my friends and of course, I miss baby's voice, his hugs & kisses. I'm going for an American Football game at 4Pm later, Huskies VS Oregan State? HAHA. Can't wait, wish marcus could be beside me :( Awww baby. I'll miss you & I have so much to tell you!

XOXO, Tiffany

2008-10-17T01:25:00.003+08:00

Dearest Diary,

I'll be leaving for America in less than 5 hours time now but here I am packing up my luggage bag & uploading songs into my iPod (HAHAHA) while my baby marcus' sleeping beside me now, he is one piggggg but I still love you baby :) I know you'll miss me. For the time being, I can't upload any pictures bcos blogger's being a bitch, I promise when I'm back, I'll have plenty of pictures to update ya'll :)

My dearest boyfriend, please please take good care of yourself, sleep early and have your meals on time okay? Don't go home too late and study hard for your O LEVELS, do well okay, I have confidence in you, all the best babeh, you can do it :) I'll try to call you as and when but I can't promise I'll call you very often as our timings are of different but I'll try alright so don't wait up. I'll be back in SEVENTEEN days time and I'll give you a super big hug and I'll not let go k. Teehee, you're the best baby. You know I'll always love you, despite the distance and when I'm back, you know things will stay the same for us. I can't wait for the so many plans after our exams & all, we're gonna have the sweetest time of our life, it's a promise remember? Give it your best shot for your upcoming examinations okay? It's a chance to prove everyone that you can do it cause I know you can :) Even though I'm not physically there to encourage you but you know you always got my back, always your encourager so don't give up! You have muffin & cupcake sleeping beside you everyday :] As for me, I'll be fine, I'll try my best to shop for you okay? Teehee, I'll be in great hands, don't worry :) And of course, always remember that I trust you greatly, as always :) I love you my dearest baby, always thinking about you & spinning the necklace <3

See ya'll at the start of November!
XOXO, Tiffany

2008-10-13T21:33:00.009+08:00

Happy & Blessed Birthday Daddy & Mummy :) Last Sunday had a BBQ party at home for my parents, my dad's side came. I'll let the pictures do most of the talking,

There's still more pictures but yet again, blogger's being a total bitch, I wanna complain (!!!!)

2008-10-12T23:13:00.003+08:00

This is written from my heart,

I love you marcus, you really mean the world to me and without you, I can no longer move on from wherever you left me at. I'm sorry for all the quarrels and misunderstandings we have been going through these past few days, I know the pain the both of us experienced really expresses how much we cherish & love each other. This goes to show that we are really meant for each other baby, you will always be my favourite-st boy alright? (: Thank you for everything you have done for me, the effort put in to please me and also helping to clear the misunderstandings we had and always trying to make me happy. I do appreciate everything you have done. Thanks for the fourth month present, I really love it even if i don't express it, you know I suck at expressing myself = I really like how you have chosen the necklace in a very special and meaningful way. Thanks baby! For the spinning necklace (when you spin there's a word in a mid-air showing "I Love You.") AHHHH. My baby is super sweet. Thanks for the Ed Hardy cap too, i love the blings on it, coooolios :) And thanks for the apology present which is a new hamster in a baby pink cage and we decided to name it Cupcake! Cos she's muffin's little sister, of the same breed. Thanks a million darling! I appreciate the effort put in, no other boy can do it like you, you're really the sweetest already. Please keep it this way marcus, lets stay like this forever although forever does not take place in my world but you have to prove it to me :) I'm leaving in 4 days time and your O's are taking place this thursday. Please take care of yourself and study hard. I hope whenever you're down from all that studying and need some encouragement, you'll open your pencil case to find that note sticked there :) I hope you like the CDs with our all-time favourite songs, the heart-shaped strawberry cheesecake baked with love & the red larva lamp, I think it's super cooooool. I'll always be that light, guiding you through your darkest time. It'll put you to sleep for the next 17 days okay. I love you baby, with all my heart. Let's treasure the next 4 days together & start everything afresh okay?

You'll always be my baby <3

2008-10-11T01:37:00.000+08:00

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing..

2008-10-10T23:16:00.005+08:00

The Supremacy of Love:

“Love is patient, love is kind and envies no one. Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude, never selfish, not quick to take offence. There is nothing love cannot face, there is no limit to its faith, its hope, and endurance. In a world, there are three things that last forever: faith, hope, and love but the greatest of them all is love.”

1 Corinthians 13

I GIVE UP. I give up being that perfect person everyone expects me to be. I tried my best, it's not like I didn't put in effort to please the people around me. I wish I could be perfect but I was made with my own imperfections too. The pain.. it's excruciating, it's killing me mentally & emotionally. My heart's withering, I'm not meant to love someone, it's just too painful to do so. I tried to open my heart to you, start something different, something I never felt before. Maybe this is what love suppose to be, not like my other past(s), so childish and yet trying hard for a matured relationship. I really did love you, I'm still trying hard to hold on to you. But I'm falling into pieces, I can't pick myself up from where we started. You may say I have been carrying a fake smile for the past four months, but WHY, why did you promise me things that you can't keep? Are these empty promises or just plain mistakes. You told me your ex-girlfriend made empty promises and that's one of the reason why you broke up with her but you are making the same mistake too. I'm the fool alright? I admit, I do have my own weaknesses too. I can't easily let go of memories, I have a whole string of them. Especially when I asked you did you make promises to any other girls and you replied NO without giving it a careful thought?! But I have been keeping quiet, I do know more things than you think I have no clue about but like I said, I have my ways. You did promise other girls, its written on your own archives CLEARLY. It really hurts me, all I wanted was the truth, why are you running away from it? Why can't you tell me frankly how you felt, I just wanted to know. I know, maybe I am not as special as them or not good at doing all those sweet little things that most girls can do just to make their boyfriend(s) smile but I am trying, I really am. I feel crush-ed, it's terrible. You just left me in this terrible state. Joke, whats the point. Don't try to contact me or anything. I rather be alone, we both need time. That's what I thought initially but everythings' a mess right now. We shouldn't have met perhaps, I guess it was a silly mistake. You left and you expect me to clear up this mess and let go of this memories shared all by myself? How selfish can you get! I knew nobody could show me forever, NOBODY. I want to be alone now, I want to live my life just by myself with time on my side. I wanna leave everything behind and stop crying myself to sleep anymore, it's too painful. Fuck everything, really.

God, Tiffany should not have existed. It just makes others unhappy, others heartbroken and she's too useless. Why the hell am I doing on this earth? I can't make things right. No matter how hard I tried, I'm never gonna reach for that simple happiness, I'll never be that almost perfect girl everyone wants me to be. I'm just a burden in people's lives. I really want to disappear, maybe I'll just keep everything to myself, leave this place full of fucking memories, leave everything behind. I know, it's the perfect timing since I'm flying off on Friday morning. And when I'm back, I swear, I'll be fine. I'll be happy once again, I will. For now, fuck everything, fuck love. What is love, God can you give me an explanation? I really need you right now. I really want to feel your presence back again, you are the only one who will never leave me, never forsake me. You are the only Love Story I will ever cherish and believe in. No one can compare to your true love, no one. Give me a chance to make things right again to start a life with no regrets. I'm already starting to miss so many things right now, I miss muffin, I miss how she poses for pictures, how active and lively she can get, I wonder what's she's really doing now. Oh well, I miss the OLD you. I really do, can't help it, people change in a blink of an eye. You never knew what kind of person you were before, you were so cheerful, so loving, sweet, gentle and had a charisma no other boy would possess. But after today, I guess it's really true that I can't forget your past, I'm still not able to do so or maybe I just need time which you are not able to give me you even told it will hurt if we talk about your past. You mean you are still hurt? I really don't understand you. I'm not use to not being the FIRST. I'm always the FIRST in everything, I felt that my boyfriend's heart had always belonged to me cos most of them has never been in a relationship before, or even so, it was not a realistic one. I was their FIRST, but not for you. Whenever I ask you about them, you are always running away from the question, why is that so? You don't have to give me an answer, I am not fit to ask you for an explanation. Only you know the answer, only you. I'm sorry for all the bad times but I'm also thankful for all the good times too. Love, it's over-rated, it just don't make sense to me anymore. Please leave me alone, I really need time away from you, to forget you. It's hard, but at least I'll try, I'll try.

Tiffany, please pick yourself up, now is the time to cry all your worries and troubles all out for this once. Do whatever you have to do to make yourself feel better, once you're back from your vacation, your heart will have the strength to piece itself back again. You will get better, you will.

2008-10-08T23:54:00.000+08:00

No matter how hard I tried..

they never seem to end. Why am I burning all these CDs of all our all-time favourite songs just to keep you company while I'm away? HAHA joke, I am the joke. Trying to be a better girlfriend towards you yet it never seems to take flight at all. Six more minutes and I'm crying so badly already.

I'm leaving, in nine days time.

2008-10-07T10:22:00.022+08:00

Dearest Diary,

I'm finally done with my N LEVELS (!!!) Honestly, I gave it my best shot, I tried my very best to work towards my targets with my constant mugging. Just really hope to collect my results in December with no regrets and get promoted as a class (: All that stress and fending-distractions are O-V-E-R. On a happier note, Tiffany has been the happiest girl in the whole wide world and she has been loving every single thing about her life, teehee. Reasons being,

Picnic & Biking at East Coast on Lantern Festival w/ our baby Muffin,

Lunch at White Dog Cafe,

Lets keep it this way,

Random,

Last day of N Levels, went to Jean Yip for my hair-cut together with Mummy. Cut bangs & shaped my hair behind to concave but kept my length so not much difference :) After our hair-cut went for a quick shopping. Bought my red ballet Crocs, plain ear studs & two sweatshirts from Zara - baby pink & navy blue. Met Marcus and we ate our favourite chilli cheese fries at Carls Jr. Caught Mama Mia, like finally (: Love the show, totally. After the movie, we went to Giant to shop for groceries and rushed back to my place. We cooked for each other for dinner, to be more precise, it was candle-light dinner. Cooked two pieces of steak, fries, cheese saussages, chicken wings, mini-hashbrowns & pasta. It was really nice, I tell you :) Thanks baby, I love you.

Marcus stayed over my place & we played The Game of Life half-way (HAHA) We slept all the way till noon the next day and we headed to Suntec/Marina Square in the late afternoon intending to catch House Bunny but there was NO available time slots >:( Ate my favourite green tea ice-cream & walked to Esplanade to take some pictures (:

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

I love marcus seah kai jie, thanks for everything baby, all the times we spent together <3

2008-09-30T14:20:00.005+08:00

There is a reason why we were made with only one heart ♥

How many special people change?
Many. Sometimes people don't realise that they're no longer the same person. Life never stays the same, it's like a merry-go-round with it's highs and lows. Humans share the same pain and regrets, it's always the same ending, bittersweet. Have you ever waited but you never knew what you were waiting for? A wait that leads to nowhere or at least somewhere? But there is always no possible outcomes. I am waiting, been always waiting. But I just don't know what I should or should not expect. Perhaps a miracle? I want God to take control over my life, I don't want to handle it in my own hands. I want to trust him to empower me to do the impossible and he will do the impossible in my life if I place my trust and faith in him to work a miracle in my life. I know God, you've never forsaken me and you will never leave me, as promised :) Although I tend to forget you when I'm happy, please draw me back to your love. Once again, i pour out my life. Get me through this pain, give me the strength to go through my examination, give me the strength to love again, give me the strength to be strong and learn to accept the reality. Reveal to me, what am I doing with my life and what I should be doing instead. It's time to wake up Tiffany, it's time.

"I'll love you forever." Each and everyone of us wish to hear this someday coming from somebody so dear to us, we wish to love somebody forever. But does forever really exist in our lives? Will forever live in us forever? Forever young, forever love? Are we going to love forever, live forever? But the truth is, a love like this won't last forever, but at least it'll get us through this lifetime. We bleed just to know we're alive, we live to go through pain and to turn into someone stronger, stronger than you even know. So won't you stab me in the back or maybe a stab in the heart to see if I'm alive? And by the time the wound heals, the deeper one will take after. But i'm telling you, you're worth the pain and the heartaches. Time heals everything, don't they?

Always trusting you & working towards the IM-possible <3

2008-09-26T12:14:00.001+08:00

To my greatest hater(s),

Why are ya'll getting so jealous over ME? I really wonder, please tell me? Or maybe I should let you know that you're jealous over the fact that I have more friends than you? That I have the sweetest boyfriend in the whole wide world? That I have everything in life YOU don't have? That I have a loving family? That my blog has much much more views that you? (if you even blog or your post might be too scary for people to read cause you even may be a crazy physco.) That I am living the life you really wish to live, so you just got to spoil it for me cause you can't stand watching me be happy? But, wait a minute, I sure am happy even with or without your dumb and unrealistic criticism. I am living the life of pure bliss, at least I have a life unlike you :) I have good friends around me although it is true that some have moved on but at least I still have nice friends who care about me :) My poor stalker(s) please please, get a life okay? You really need one before you feel that insulting people is your favourite hobby. If i have offended you in any way, awww. That is sad cause maybe you are just green in envy and all over me :) My life is so interesting anyway that I have so many haters. Think about it, why would people bother to hate me? Jealous is your perfect answer :) Hope you will find real friends too, so that you can share your problems with instead of venting on other people's blog :) Or I can be your friend if you wanna, it will be fun, I swear :) I wanna help you, i really do. I hope you will continue to hate me after this post, or maybe even love me :) Jealousy is a sin, I don't want you to go to hell :)

XOXO, ME! YOUR FAVOURITEST PERSON.

2008-09-25T12:43:00.003+08:00

The seven things I like about you
Your hair, your eyes
Your old Levis
When we kiss I'm hypnotized
You make me laugh, you make me cry
But I guess that's both I'll have to buy
Your hand in mine
When we're intertwined
Everything's alright
I wanna be with the one I know
And the seventh thing I like the most that you do
You make me love you.

I have so many things awaiting me (!!!!!!!) I can't wait for this torturous period to end. Okay, here are basically my plans after the post-exams:

29 September - N level Physics, Chemistry & Math Paper 1
2 October - N level History Elective
3 October - N level Math Paper 2 = END OF N LEVELS :)

For the course of the 2 weeks which is from 3 October to 16 October, I'm going to have the time of my life. Let's see, I'm going to go shopping with my girlfriends, catch movies that I've been wanting to watch, tanning at Sentosa, mass-clean my entire room, pack my luggage bag for my trip, spend more time with my baby xiao long bao and princess, becky & ada, maybe take them out for walks more often (i've not been doing that for ages!) and accompany marcus to study, hahaha. Cause I have Food & Nutrition O levels on 4 November and Chinese in the second week of November. Damn, but fuck care! I am going to relax and enjoy myself full-speed.

9 October- 4th Month Anniversary, spend time with baby :)
12 October - Daddy's Birthday
20 October - Mummy's Birthday
17 October to 1 November - America & Canada here I comeeeeeee :) Visit my two brothers, Shopping, Sight-seeing and catch American football games (the season's kicking in) Omg, this is so bloody awesome (New York, Buffalo, Seattle.)

Second week of November - Work (!!!!) and get lots and lots of money :D I wanna get a Macbook Pro, my dad just got his last week and his definitely happy about it, he even bought it together with the latest iPod Nano. Rahhhhh. I wanna get money for a JC sidekick and macbook - Screams.

7 December - My Sweet Sixteen Birthday Party, I have no idea what's taking place yet, but I'm in the mids of planning :) I want a private yatch and ferry all my friends in it! Alcohol's a must. Probably one degree 15, coolios!
8 December to 10 December - Chalet at Pasir Ris (my actual birthday & our half-year anniversary) I guess this will be the most exciting period ever :) Wild Wild Wet & Escape too and I await someone to cook me dinner - make it, candle light, thank you ;) Teehee.
24 December - Christmas Eve, spend time with marcusssss and countdown.
25 December - Christmas = turkey, presents and Christmas trees. I've not been a good girl but I still want hell lots of presents under my christmas treeeeee.
31 December - Countdown (I want something different this year, hehe hint.)

Though 2008 has been quite a wild ride for me, 2009 will be even better, I swear.

Don't waste now, precious time.

2008-09-19T17:59:00.004+08:00

Last night you were tired and you said that it was because your medicine made you drowsy and so you went off to bed and I gave in because I understood where you were coming from, besides I didn't know what to do last night and decided to lay in bed with my eyes wide open for 20 minutes. I don't know why but I didn't feel a single bit of tiredness and that explains my nightmare too. Today, I waited for you to end your damn thing so that I could talk to you on the phone, you didn't even accompany me on the phone when I was on the way home, I still carried on to understand you. But what, after you ended, we talked not even shit long and now you wanna go sleep again. And you know when you're awake I'll be having tuition and later I'll be studying, we don't even have time for each other. I don't wish to quarrel with him and that explains me blogging it down here, there's so much thoughts, sometimes I feel so angry that I don't even know if he knows I am. I don't know, this may be a small thing but its not the first time. Oh well. The blogger is just feeling fustrated and needed a place to let the thoughs flow again.

2008-09-19T17:59:00.000+08:00

2008-09-17T23:58:00.000+08:00

shewritesuchprettywords's dead, the blogger has died.

2008-09-16T13:45:00.002+08:00

Once bitten, twice shy.

It is so inevitable that people just come and go, they stay for the temporary and they leave when they want to, sometimes even without a goodbye. How do you actually know who to keep as friends and who you don't want to before you end up getting hurt over and over again. Ten years down the road or ten years ago? The words speaks to me so foreign but yet so familiar. Will I have my closest friends or rather best friends who will stay as close together like before? Even though our lives would be totally different and totally world's apart when people feign ignorance? Same goes for relationships, would you believe that a relationship can be kept even if both parties are living totally different lives with totally different timings? I'm trying to get used to it, but fear is inculcating each time, I need genuine love, genuine friendships.

I'm going to start adjusting myself to stay focused in what I supposed to be doing instead of what I intend to do. I'm going to start pushing myself really hard for the final lap to get what I target for. Life's too fragile and short to worry about so many things, things happened too fast, maybe for a reason that one may not realize it now but in the later years to come. I'm battling hard to put myself together to work hard to get what I really want. Since I have full control of my life, I shall take full control of it instead of letting others tell me what to do because they themselves do not even have a life and that gives them a perfect reason to tell others to get a life and even what to do? Hahaha, you're not even my mother why should I listen to you dumbfucks. You're incapable of writing down your names and you deserve to strangle yourself since you do not have a life, you should really shoot yourself down and die or why don't you let me do it :)

I'm gonna smile cos I deserve to :)

2008-09-14T22:35:00.002+08:00

Say hello to Muffin baby,

So just believe they will come true in time
It will be fine
Leave all of your cares and stress behind
Just let it go
Let the music flow inside
Forget all your pain
And just start to believe

I believe I can
I believe I will
I believe I know my dreams are real
I believe I'll stand
I believe I'll dance
I believe I'll grow real soon and
That is what I do believe

Nevermind what people say
Hold your head high and turn away
With all our hopes and dreams
I will believe
Even though it seems it's not for me
I won't give up I'll keep it up
Look into the sky
I will achieve all my needs
I will always believe…

2008-09-10T21:54:00.009+08:00

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush

'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

You don't know what the fuck I'm going through, you don't know what the fuck I want, you don't know what the fuck is taking over my life, you don't know who the fuck am I. So what do you want from me? I just want to lead an ordinary life, just like every other girl, is that too much to ask? I'm begging for an answer. I'm trying my best to make things right, so that we could be happy again. But, this is out of the question. I fail at everything I do, if ONLY we could be happy again. PS: I've been listening to "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" over and over again. This song truly speaks a thousand words.

2008-09-09T20:33:00.007+08:00

"I've been waiting my whole life for the right guy to come along, and then you showed up. And you're nothing like the man I imagined. You're cynical and cranky and impossible. But the truth is fighting with you is the best thing that's ever happened to me. And I think there's a very good chance that I'm falling in love with you."

Went to Sakae Sushi with marcus after school. We had sushi buffet, hahaha. I'm having stomach pain now, but my sweetest darling came to my place after tuition just now to pass me medicine and a letter. Omg, i have the sweetest baby, really. Thanks marcus, i love you.

Happy Third Month Anniversary Baby!

Tiffany says, "IMMBM and i will love him till the end of time."

Life for me has been labelled crazy, stress and hectic. It has been on a roller coaster ride for weeks, till then when I'm stressed free from my studies. Life as a Singaporean student is indeed a stressful one, a period that many people do not want to keep as a memory. Studies = criteria and targets to meet has indeed weaken the capacity of my brain. Stress is adding and accumulating each day, I'm going to explode like a Pufferfish really soon. I have been missing my brothers lately, my parents have been really busy with their work that they have hardly any time for me, not even a simple dinner meal. They have been only anxious about my upcoming N levels. On top of that, friends in school has been rather weird, people are just really weird. Friends are people who enjoys each other company instead of being trapped and not open. This is stupid, if you want friends, you have to be frank and open, you can't just keep quiet and make other's think otherwise. On the lighter note, my life has been dramatic, each morning I wake up to find something new, something spectacular, something that may or may not hurt me. Life simply is.. unpredictable.

2008-09-06T23:25:00.032+08:00

English N level was on Thursday. Wrote the one-word essay on "mistakes" hahaha, I wrote about PSLE and how I did very badly. Letter writing and Comprehension was average, finished on the dot. Met marcus after my paper and he came to my place and waited for me to shower and change. He arranged for us to watch Money No Enough. Actually he watched the show already with his family but I kept insisting that almost everybody has watched the show and I have not (!!!!) So, my dearest marcus decided to watch the show again with me. The show was so funny but touching at the same time :) I likeeeeee. And oh, I met Spiderman at night, he brought me home :D Teehee.

Friday, marcus came to my place in the morning and brought me my Zinger :D Slack, showered and left home. We planned to spend the entire day together (: We went to Mt.Faber and to Henderson Waves. It was a LONGGGG walk but we talked and laughed a lot, I love you sweetheart :D Remember the Three Little Pigs? They walked tripple our speed, so funny. And remember the squashed bread & the weird Japanese man? We kept laughing like retards and got bitten by all the mosquitos! Henderson Waves is really nice, It'll be sweet if we went at night :) Anw, we walked all the way to Alexandra-don't-know-where to Hort Park. But it turned dark already so it was nothing much to explore :) Besides, baby & I were exhausted already, we walked for hours. We took a bus to Harbour Front for dinner at Yoshinoya (the place where we first ate) HAHAHA and walked around and bought this really cute sleeping eye mask. I took Piglet & Eeyore and marcus took Pooh & Tiger! Sweet right (: Anw, baby came to my place just now, we had macs for dinner and watched OC. I love you marcus seah kai jie, you're my favourite.

The stupid side of my boyfriend :)

2008-09-03T22:10:00.003+08:00

Here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

Sometimes, we learn from our past mistakes. We accept harsh criticisms and improve on being a better and stronger person. What people may think of you, may affect you as a whole. But why are humans so likely to dislike one another? Why can't humans be made to live happily and love one another? Why built up so much pain inside of you? It all comes down to life, which is questionable by many of us. Many say, life's a roller coaster ride, with it's ups and downs. Mine's probably the turning point where everyone starts screaming at their top of their lungs lifting up their hands in their air. Or rather, I'm feeling like I'm behind bars awaiting for the sentence to pass, which is probably the third week of December when I get my N level results. HAHA, this is exciting. And oh, XLB is so damn cute okay, I just fed him carrots. Waiting for marcus to give me some of muffin's food (!!!) Princess was so jealous that she was running in the rain like some crazy wolf over carrots! HAHAHA. Bloody hell.

But right now, I feel like a total failure. I almost burst into tears while doing my Social Studies paper today, my whole mind just totally turned off and switched into a blank stage. I needed a slap really, I can't help it. I did study hard enough but why can't I utilise my knowledge, am I that dumb (?!?!) I'm not doing anything right, not putting my heart and soul into this exam. Oh well, tomorrow's English Paper 1 & 2. Kick ass time, let's see what's installed for you Tiffany.

Wake me up when September ends.

2008-09-02T22:49:00.004+08:00

This medicine is just what you deserve.
Swallow, choke, and die.

And this bitter pill is leaving you
with such an angry mouth.
One that's void of all discretion
such an awful tearing sound.
With it's measure only equal by the power of my stare
glaring over you and over you this feeling of despair
is never wearing out.

It's wearing off
and it's leaving you with such a heavy heart
and a head to match.
The bottle is waiting
the cap is twisted begging to be used
and so are you.

Hello Anonymous :) You are one dumbfuck. Telling me that my boyfriend is gonna break my heart? Must I thank you for letting me know? HAHAHA JOKE. Fucking dumb loser, typing behind a screen? HAHAHA. If you really are my biggest hater? Why still bother to tag fucker? Why don't tell me straight on my face if you are in my school? Some people are just plain jealous, envy me :) If you're so bored then go suck my uncle's father's sister's mother's cow's yoho :) Anw I'm not angry, you just make people's life more interesting each day loser :D

SWALLOW, CHOKE AND DIE.

2008-09-01T18:10:00.004+08:00

Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming?
Is this burning an eternal flame?

I believe it's meant to be, darling
I watch when you are sleeping, you belong to me
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming
Or is this burning an eternal flame?

Say my name, sun shines through the rain
A whole life so lonely, and then you come and ease the pain
I don't want to lose this feeling.

{47 more days before I head down to Americaaaaaa baby & also to get to see my two brothers (!!!!!) I can't wait. 17 october, come fastttttttt :) Wait, 2 more days before I sit for my national exam. HAHAHA YAY!}

2008-08-31T17:17:00.014+08:00

Great. It was Teacher's Day on Friday which gives us a half-day (: We had some performance and nothing really special this year. Took some pictures half-way through the performance in the hall and was trying to get everyone in class to finish writing on the scrap book for mr sim. Everyone in 4G are just sweet, the messages some has written, really touched me deeply. About 10 plus, rushed home to get changed to meet marcus. Went to Town to find his friends and then to Bugis to find swenn, feng, jonathan and theodore. They went to play pool, I didn't play but baby did (: Stayed there for quite some time, about 5, marcus and I left to vivo for dinner. We totally debated where to eat and he kept whining like a little girl that he was all hungry. Hahaha, so we ate at LJS. Walked around after dinner and went to the skygarden to take picturessssss. Went to buy Bacardi and spent quality time with him (: About 10 plus, marcus came to my place as his dad was gonna fetch him home. Hahaha. I love my baby (:

Yesterday, was running a super high fever, soar throat and stomach ache. It was crazy bcos my fever dropped and rise almost every interval. It reached 39 degrees which scared the shit out of me. Anw, marcus came over to my place to stay over as I was running a super high fever. Rahaha, I have my own personal doctor you know, hurhur. He took goooood care of me, really. Hahaha, he left this afternoon. I love you marcusssss and thanks for everything (: My fever went down during midnight. That explains the picture in my toilet :D Hoho.

I was webcaming with my oldest brother and he is so funny! I really miss my two brothers :( Its so boring home alone all the time, dang :(

Till then, I'll be starting to mug hard for my N's :) Peace!

2008-08-28T20:48:00.006+08:00

Fyi, I have a very interesting comment today by my biggest fan/hater. Reply: You care for fuck? Emo bitch then emo lah, jealous? Who are you to tell me that I don't have anyone? Keep your comments to your fucking self if you read my blog dumb shit. Idiots like you too ashamed to put your ugly name down :) So fuck off loser. Use your brain first before tagging, dumbfuck :)

Anw, on monday marks the day I had a big quarrel with marcus. It started out small though. However, this boyfriend of mine had his ways in getting girls to forgive him, I wonder if he uses this trick on every girl =p So, it was in the afternoon when I started to ignore him and it went on for hours, rejecting calls and ignoring messages. I went off to study downstairs when I received a phone call at 9 which got me hesitated. This silly boyfriend of mine got me upstairs in my room just to look out the window and there I saw him standing under a lamp post with a big question mark shirt asking me to forgive him. HAHAHA, you should have seen that expression he was wearing. He left me a letter in my mailbox and he even left me panadol in the envelope. My baby's the sweetest cos he got chased by a dog too. (HAHA)

Went bowling with theodore & veronica on tuesday after school. It was so damn fun and crazy with the two of them. (I wanted to take home the bowling shoe =p) Wednesday, marcus picked me up at 8am to school for my food and nutrition exam. He had an afternoon paper and he woke up just to send me to school :) The paper, unfortunately killed me and charis & I got irregularity report for talking after the paper is collected, how funny! The three essay questions, zomg, i slept half-way while writing. Not to mention, I twisted my hand in school. Rahaha, joke. I slipped on a wet surface and landed on my wrist! HAHAHA, after school veronica accompanied me to the doctor's. Went to 3 clinics in total, only the third one had fewer patients. Bandaged my hand and collected medicine and bus-ed home. So now, I'm typing with my left hand (!!!!) Met marcus after his paper in the early evening, we went to Garden's Coffee Bean to study and eat. And we walked home around 8 plus. Hahaha. You know it's more than 6 bus stops away, you know you know! Wished I could pause that moment with him, we talked about so so many things (:

On the heavier note, I got back part of my preliminary results. Joke. English met a C5 thanks to my composition. Combined Science a A2 and i failed social studies by 3 points (!!!!) This is for not studying Tiffany, you deserve this so eat it up and swallow it. I wonder why the time past so slowly today, really. Marcus met me outside school and he came over my place after school to slack and eat. I'm so tired. I need to start studying for my N's. Really. Oh wellls. Tomorrow's Teacher's Day btw, prolly going out after that. Haha, will update again. Peace.

Dark blue, dark blue
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning now there's nothing but dark blue.

2008-08-25T18:23:00.006+08:00

These words are my heart and soul

Running a high fever and I'm writing all these down, why am I doing this? Why the fuck am I getting myself annoyed and hurt for all the wrong reasons? My heart's bleeding like it's been placed in a fucking blender, cold and empty. It's killing me and I hate it. I admit, I am being a bitch at times but that's girls for you. I'm sorry if I've hurt you in any way, causing any distrusts in your life. This is fucked up really. Here am I scribbling my thoughts on this post, I just needed a place to let my thoughts out, really. I don't really have anyone to share my woes with, everyone's been busy, real busy. This is so fucking wrong. Why can't I be happy and stop worrying about so many things? I'm almost to pulling the trigger now, and it hurts so bad. Just yesterday, I was able to share my feelings and managed to make a few things clear, things that has been banging against my head for weeks (I stay wrecked and jealous for this simple reason) Thanks for listening to me and explaining, maybe it's all just me, being a dumb bitch at times. Trying to get my ass to sit down and study, can't believe next week's the Ns. This is ridiculous, I can't put my mind at ease and start mugging. I promised myself to do well so as to prevent myself from being sent away to a foreign land to school. Prelims fucking getting my ass kicked, expected it anyway. Besides, why am i fucking complaining? I didn't put in any effort. Right, today was just so not in the mood and my gastric acted up again. Signed out during recess, thanks for being sweet enough to pick me up and buying me porridge (: It was sweet of you to do but.. haiz. I'm officially gonna lock myself in my room and start studying hard. I need to ace it all, so much for prelims. Totally drained my confidence. Sometimes I wonder so much, how life can be this complicated. This 2008 has nevertheless made me a stronger person, learning to hold back the tears during the hardest time. HAHAHA, life has never been the same for me then. Losing my closest friends, getting my heart bro-ken by a fucker, saying goodbye to my siblings.. I can't hold on any longer. I just need to let go.. let go.. Yay, hello monday blues, you're back for me again. Wake the fuck up, Tiffany.

People change, people changed.

Things change, things changed.

Times change, times changed.

So crush me baby, I'm all ears.

2008-08-23T13:22:00.015+08:00

Dearest Diary,

While I am typing this entry, marcus is next to me cos this is a shared entry between us. He is at my place now and we are on the swinggggg :) Okay lame. Anw, yesterday marcus and I did not have school and we intended to study together (note the word, intended)We met at my place and he was late (!!!!) We used the bus to Downtown East and this time, from the bus stop we used a bus instead of a cab :) Upon arrival, baby suggested that we go and check the chalet prices because we planned to have a personal chalet on my actual birthday and on our half-year anniversary in December. It cost around 300 plus and we plan to split it between ourselves and booking is like in September? Anw, we went to the cinema to check for available shows but I didn't take interest in any. So, we went to Super Dog for lunch (: While eating, baby suggested to go to Pasir Ris Farmway to see PUPPIESSSSSS and really cute animals :D We took a cab there since it was drizzling, we saw baby Poodles and many other really cute dogs plus rabbits! And baby looked like one in particular, the Chinchillas. Super ugly and scary okay, they looked like the cast from Pinky & the Brain =p HAHAHA quoted from baby. And the really cute puppies are like 1K plusssss >:( Rahhh. And the stupidest part is that it was raining and we were walking around getting drench like idiots. And baby was nice enough to lend me his jacket (HAHA) I really want those cute puppies >:( They're super adorable cos they're like SOOOOO small. We took a SUPER LONG WALK from the really deserted farm to the nearest bus stop. It was long but it was really sweet and fun with baby because the whole route had nobody and we took lots of pictures, talked and joked a lot.

Used the bus all the way back to Bishan and then to AMK Hub to meet my family for dinner at The Soup Restaurant cos my second brother's gonna leave for America >:( My oldest brother left last week to Buffalo, so did my cousin. And now, my second brother's leaving to Seattle. WHY WHY WHY. Why is everybody so dear to me is leaving? I feel so annoyed by the fact that the house is so damn quiet, my parents are always out, busy with work. Lucky for me, I have my maid's and my three dogs company. Plus baby, who's here with me, spending almost the entire day with me from 3 plus (: It'll never be easy for me to say goodbye anymore, so please, spare me and don't turn your back away from me ever.

Thanks for the flowers yet again baby (: Although they almost died getting squashed in my bag. HAHAHA. Anyway, he just cooked noodles for me. One thing's for sure, my baby loves me. He bought me a magazine bcos there's a poster I like in it and yesterday he gave it to me, and guess what? I open my magazine up when I got back home at night and I lost my poster (!?!?!) So I called him and asked if it's in his bag and he said yes and that he dropped inside his bag. However, today, he came to my place and this stupid boyfriend bought another magazine for me just bcos of the poster (!?!?) Cos I really lost the poster >:( My baby's the sweetest to me :] And yes, I'm finally over with Prelims except for Food & Nutrition which is due next wednesday, other than that, I'm F.R.E.E. but N's gonna start and yes. I'm gonna start mugging hard to get that 3 points. Peace.

I'm staring at the glass in front of me,
is it half empty of our wins or have i ruined all you've given me?
I know I've been selfish, I know I've been foolish,
but look through that and you will see,
I'll do better, I know,
Baby, I can do better.

If you leave me tonight, I'll wake up alone,
don't tell me I will make it on my own,
don't leave me tonight,
this heart of stone will sing till it dies
if you leave me tonight.

2008-08-20T22:02:00.004+08:00

I'm feeling better now after letting my feelings run on it's own :) Sometimes, its better to let it out than keep your heart from getting deeper wounds. It hurts, but at least I'm trying.

Marcus & my bottle :] Rahaha so cute okay.

Thanks for the surprise Pinkie Pieeeeee & the SJ poster :D I love it to death (: You're the sweetest and you are full of surprisessssss. Which I dislike a lot cos, everytime you surprise me, i will be super duper embarrass and we'll give each other a really dumb look and all I could do was hug you tight on the spot. HAHAHA, thanks a lot baby. Teehee I'm a happy girl now :) I'm jumping up and down. Yayyyeee.

thy name is swenn. says (10:01 PM):

life's a slut

♥ Tiffany's You've got me down on my knees and I proclaim, all hail the heartbreaker. says (10:01 PM):

life's a whore.

thy name is swenn. says (10:01 PM):

life's a harlot

♥ Tiffany's You've got me down on my knees and I proclaim, all hail the heartbreaker. says (10:02 PM):

hahaha. screw life.

HAHAHA, life's a fucking bitch at times, really. I wonder how many people on earth curse and swear on occasions like this all the time. I wonder. Anyway, I am prepared to screw my prelims, I am D.E.A.D. really. I really tried studying but.. RAHAHA, too many distractions around, my mind is somewhere else. Tomorrow's Chemistry, yay. Can't wait for the expected results hoho. I literally didn't study for the prelims where as everybody else did, this is just so funny cos I am a mugger (used-to-be) This time, is too much of a surprise for me. Can't wait for my parents to scream at me :D :D :D okay, i am at least going to try and study my organic chemistry now, byebye!

I am going to hide all the weighing scales I see all around my house. Fuck the ** kg (!!!!)

2008-08-19T19:37:00.005+08:00

I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everythings nothing without you
I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

Through it all, I made my mistakes
I stumble and fall, but I mean these words

I want you to know
With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment you know, 'as I bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

Thoughts read unspoken, forever in doubt
Pieces of memories fall to the ground
I know what I didn't have so, I won't let this go
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

All the streets where I walked alone, with nowhere to go
I've come to an end..

But fuck this, fuck that, fuck everything, fuck you.
I hate myself..
I hate my life..
no big deal, fucking hell how people treat and judge me.

I don't deserve you, i don't deserve to have friends, i don't deserve this life.. my feelings are all mixed up, I'm just feeling so helpless and moody. I can't help it, those fuckshit feeling hidden behind those smiles, i feel so betrayed. More or less, my blog is still my loyal and only friend I have now.. Maybe i should just get out of the life I'm living now and start everything afresh, a whole new world to seek comfort in, but every time i try, it gets harder to do. I don't feel myself, i don't love myself, i just hate myself. I seek comfort, in the form of tears. I'm not studying, I'm not doing anything worthwhile. I don't recognise myself anymore. What must I do to make my life right again? Will somebody tell me, I try so hard but it never turns out well for me. Everybody's leaving me, and i mean EVERYBODY. I'm more than lonely now, i hate it. I'm officially tainted and broken now. Life's a fucking bitch, i swear.

WILL THE PEOPLE WHO I LOVE, TRUST AND CHERISH THE MOST,
STOP HURTING ME ALREADY. PLEASE.

2008-08-17T23:48:00.000+08:00

Happy Sweet Sixteen Marcus Seah Kai Jie ♥

Yesterday which was a Saturday, went to celebrate marcus' birthday with him although today is his actual birthday :) He came to pick me and we bus-ed to Pasir Ris to take another bus but it was raining and so we decided to cab to Downtown East which has a new mall over there. We went to check out the mall and it's full of restaurants, no where to shop! So, we decided to take neoprints, it was forever since I ever stepped into a neoprint machine =p The prints turned out really nice, baby & i gave each other a really blur look whenever we suppose to smile for each print, really funny hahaha. We bus-ed back to Pasir Ris Interchange where we used the MRT back to Bugis and then used the bus to Vivo City. Went to shop for marcus' watch, he bought a Levis gold & black one and he is very happy with his buy, hahaha. Which made him really high that he went around offending people intentionally, ahem :) We went to this Art shop and did a Spiderman sand-peel thing (you know those you have to peel and then sprinkle the sand colour you want on it) and this Winnie the Pooh Colour thing (you have to squeeze the colour you want inside the outline and it will be microwaved to dry) Yes, we did all these which mostly took up our time but it was really enjoyable and fun while it lasted cause I use to do all these when I was really young. And while colouring Winnie the Pooh, I accidentally added grey instead of black on it's nose and marcus was like, "since when Winnie the Pooh's nose is grey, hahaha." We then headed down to Harbour Front Center and bought chips on the way because we were feeling famished. Marcus bought the tickets to the Cable Car Ride, to Mt Faber, all the way to Sentosa and back to Harbour Front. It was one of the most memorable times we had together because we took really retarded and funny pictures and we were alone this time in mid-air, HAHA.

About 6 plus after the ride which lasted quite a bit, marcus and I were going into the station when this woman in her 40's was in a rush and she just blocked our way and went right in front of us to tap her card and I was urgh huh? So i went before her intending to tap my card when marcus stopped me and said, "let the old woman go first." And omg, she starred at us as if she wanted our lifes for calling her old. HAHAHA, this baby of mine never fails to offend people. Anw, we used the MRT to Clarke Quay's Central for dinner at Billy Bombers for dinner. We had root beer float, milkshake, buffalo wings, sirloin steak & fish and chips :) We ate till we almost could not walk, it was so funny. We walked around Clarke Quay feeling fat :) Bough Cruiser, lighter & two mini birthday cakes or rather muffins for marcus. Hahaha, he kept one so that he can eat that when the clock strives 12. We went to sit by the side and took pictures and he ate his "birthday muffin" HAHAHA. And later, we cabbed to my place where we went to the playground and I gave him his present.

Baby, I hope you enjoyed yourself yesterday because I did :) I love you forever & ALWAYS okay? You're the sweetest and best boyfriend I ever had and no other boy can replace you. I love you and Happy Birthday! I hope this is your best birthday ever ;)

Your hazel green tint eyes watching every move I make.
And that feeling of doubt, it's erased.
I'll never feel alone again with you by my side.
You're the one, and in you I confide.

And we have gone through good and bad times.
But your unconditional love was always on my mind.
You've been there from the start for me.
And your loves always been true as can be.
I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.

This morning, marcus came to my place in the morning and we slackkkkkk. Use the laptop and ate lunch together. Omg, I love him so much.

Because We Belong Together..

2008-08-14T21:06:00.008+08:00

I have never been good at goodbyes..

So this was dinner with my Family last night at Raffles Hotel.

2008-08-11T21:34:00.006+08:00

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I put Lamborghini doors on that Es-ca-lade
I put gold Daytonas on that Cherry Six-Four

I apologise for pouring out my feelings on the earlier post, it is so unlike me. Anyway, this morning, marcus came to my place to pass me flowers & my hamster's bedding :) Btw, muffin is 1 month and 2 days old :D Hehehe, she has grown fat over the past 1 month thanks to baby. Thanks for the flowers sweetheart, they're pretty! Mugging the entire afternoon, now that i've started revising, officially today teehee. In the evening went to New York New York with my family for dinner, my mom couldn't make it though. Anyway, dinner was gooooood.

Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you.

2008-08-11T17:12:00.003+08:00

Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'ma be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

{I feel brok-en}

For some strange reason, I am really agitated with the life I'm living right now. There are numerous emotions over-powering my mind, heart & soul. The painful bloody feeling of a sharp edged knife piercing into my heart and down into my chest that makes each breathe so difficult to breath is just heart wrenching. I keep begging myself to make the right choices and the right decisions but apparently, this does not always work out for me. I just can't make informed choices! Why do i always choose the wrong path? The ironic thing is, in life, the choices are always up to you, both good and bad choices but why do i always fall under the bad choices? Why! I just can't bring myself to proclaim anything!

For the record, i really hate everything that is about to take place in my life, the changes and things i have to start and learn to adapt to. It's just so terribly wrong! Why is everybody leaving so quickly? Each important person in my life are just leaving me so slowly, bit by bit. I'm starting to miss so many things in my life now, the every-day laughter is just disappearing into thin air. I want a hot air balloon now that can take me to no where. I want to have a getaway and leave this terrible life. It's too painful for me already and every single time, I'm just bursting into tears. Why does my two brothers have to leave for America to study? And both are leaving on the same month! Why? They're my only siblings, and they'll be gone for a pretty long time and that leaves this big house empty and quiet. And I hate it, i swear i fucking hate it. There're be no one to count on anymore. My parents are way busy with work and their personal life and sometimes, they just simply forget that i even exist. I really wish i have somebody i can talk to, someone to confide to, a guardian angel i suppose? To teach me, step by step to accept the reality.

Sometimes, i feel so helpless, why is everyone leaving just like that? Even my friends are leaving, they've moved on and things are different in school now. I really wish i could go back to old times. My best friend, has wiped me entirely out of her life, i really miss her sometimes. But i know, i cannot change the fact that she's gone. I've known her more than half of my life now, 10 out 16 years is a lot for me, we laugh, we cry, we hug, we do almost every single thing together. Those memories, are just coming back to haunt me, i know it's reality now. Whenever i think about her, i really feel like crying, i don't mind waiting another half my life to be best friends again. I am really not contented to be just friends, really. And there's another good friend, who've been there for me during many troubled times, always standing up for me. But now, things are different, i really miss having recess with her, shopping for stupid and ridiculous items, talking and laughing on the phone and just scolding each other for every stupid little thing we do. Then again, people come and go. It's just too much to take. I really dislike the fact that everybody is leaving. I should have left, instead of being left behind and alone.

I really want to pour out my feelings, it's too much to keep them bottled up. I really want a friend that i can sit down with, share my feelings and just cry so much that this friend can be there to comfort me and talk things out with me. Help me think of a solution to just make my life any better. I guess right now, my blog is my only friend. But how about my friends, where have they gone to? I can't think straight, i don't really know what I'm doing now, my actions just don't apply to my words sometimes. I hate this but still, I'm trapped in this. I really feel that I'm the worst person in the whole wide world, worst daughter, worst sister, worst girlfriend and most of all, a worst friend. I really want to spend quality time with myself, all alone and start thinking hard, what is the purpose of my life? I need to get everything sorted out instead of living everyday confused and miserable. I've no one else to blame except for myself. My ugly pride has taken over my life and it's being such a bitch. This is exactly how I've been feeling behind those smiles you see. But then again, some people really hurt me. Are promises supposed to keep for a lifetime? Are they meant as lifetime promises? How can i trust that you will be able to keep the promises and not betray my trust? I am not getting any stronger, but I'm becoming more fragile. I really don't wish to get hurt by a person who i am going to love, trust and proclaim that he is the one that i want to be with. Will these promises last? Or at least before the change of heart. I guess it all gets better in time.

And take this broken wing and learn to fly,
you were only waiting for this moment to arise..

2008-08-10T08:43:00.015+08:00

So don't go worrying about me
It's not like I think about this constantly
So maybe I do, but that shouldn't affect
Your life anymore
I knew it the moment you walked into the door

I'll let you get the best of me
Because there's nothing else that I do well
I'll let you get the best of me
Because there's nothing else that I do well
I'll be the giver and you'll be the taker
I guess that's how this one's gonna go I'll be the giver and you'll be the taker
You've got me down on my knees and I proclaim
All hail the heartbreaker

Last Wednesday, marcus accompanied me to my dental appointment. The dentist told me that I'll be able to get my braces off before Christmas! Hohoho. But I'm definitely not looking forward to put on retainers =p Apparently, it hurts even more. After dental, went to eat ice-cream at his cousin's shop together with swenn, ron, veron, theodore & feng. And later, home for tuition.

Thursday was Shreedhya bomber's sweet sixteen! She was one happy girl. During PE, we played baseball, it was crazy. Moments later, the girls were playing a ridiculous game with chewy. It was one imaginative game that got me thinking real hard, teehee. After school, went to town with marcus & veron. I got my new lunchbox (: Walked around, slack, eat, shop. And baby fetch me home :D And for the record, I fucking hell don't give a shit about you, so please don't act like i still care about you. Go ahead be a pimp, a fucking flirt, for all i care :) On a lighter note, i am really happy with the life I'm living now. I just want to study hard for my N's and do really well and spend time with my love ones :) I don't have to waste my time thinking about useless and stupid people who do not have a life. Get. A. Life. Please. Don't waste precious time being nothing for dumbfuck, either way, i hate you. You make my life interesting :]

On the eve of National Day which was a Friday. My school, together with 40 other schools participated in the Connect Singapore activity. To form a heart by holding hands and say the pledge together. All over Singapore, my school was assigned to station at Bishan Park. Hahaha, we had to walk from Bishan Mrt all the way to Bishan Park. Super tiring and the sun did not spare us a tiny bit. We had activities at the stadium, teachers and students were called out to dance in front of everyone, sang songs & played games. It was really fun with my c-mates cos we took lots of pictures together :D The activity was broadcast over the radio and i brought my mini radio along, hahahaha fucking retarded. After the activity, met marcus and we went to marina square for lunch at LJS and we caught the Love Guru. Fucking stupid. In the evening, we went to Vivo to slack and later, went to meet my mom, tim and jacq. We went to shop. Bought 3 mini skirts, 2 tops & a belt from Zara, headbands, belt & tights from Forever 21 and cardigan & tank top from Pull & Bear :D I'm a happy girl, once again. We had dinner at Docs Green and I had grilled salmon which tasted surprisingly nice. Okay, here's an image heavy post.

Yesterday was Singapore's Birthday! Happy National Day Singapore :) And also, most importantly it was my 2 month anniversary with baby :D But i didn't get to spend the day with him, my relatives came over to my place for dinner and to watch the parade live on teaveee. I realised i have not uploaded pictures of my three dogs for a really long time so, here you go :)

this is Princess, the fat and greedy one

this is Ada, the noisy and loving one
this is Becky, the cute and adorable one Boooooogayyyyy cousin!

Just this morning, i went to church ARPC, with my brother and his girlfriend at Adam Rd. The service was okay, i guess some point in my life, i really need to get back to church and be involved in something. Or else, i'm just going to be rotting my days away. After church, suppose to go have lunch with my brother and his friends but my dad picked me and we went to Raffles Town Club for Dim Summmmmm :] I was so craving for dumplings, eggtarts and porridge :) Hehehe. Anyway, prelims' next week, so i'm off to mug :) TTFN, Ta Ta For Now.

You sit there in your heartache waiting on some beautiful boy,
To save you from your old ways, you play forgiveness.
Watch it now, here he comes.

2008-08-05T21:36:00.014+08:00

Packing up the dreams God planted
In the fertile soil of you
Cant believe the hopes hes granted
Means a chapter in your life is through
But we'll keep you close as always
It wont even seem youve gone
cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever
If the lords the lord of them
And a friend will not say never
cause the welcome will not end
Though its hard to let you go
In the fathers hands we know
That a lifetimes not too long to live as friends..

This song was played last Friday and it was absolutely meaningful and touching :) I guess it moved everyone, especially the senior classes. Last Friday after school, went out with marcus, feng, theodore, swenn & veron to Funan for lunch and walked around. Rushed back to school around 5pm for Fairfield's Founder's Day celebration in school. The stage was set up on the school field and it was a night under the stars :) The atmosphere created was absolutely memorable and fun. We sang songs, had games, took lots of pictures with c-mates, drama & dance performance as well as, prize presentation. Hahaha, i had to go up the stage to take prize for 3rd overall in standard & top in combined humanities and f&n. Certificates and 70 bucks Borders voucher :D Hoho, I'm so gonna use them soon. My mom surprised me, she came to watch me take my prize =p Haha, really funny. The whole event ended slightly after 930pm. Met marcus outside school, he had night class. We were so tired :( But we went to macs for supper. I'll let the pictures do more of the talking :D

I literally grounded myself home on Saturday and Sunday to do some really productive studying but, there came the distractions. Hahaha. Anyway, on Sunday morning, marcus came to my place to give me surprise sunflowersssss :D So damn sweet okay, i love you baby, they're pretty. He added to his ten promises an eleventh one, that he'll always replace me with fresh and new flowers if the flowers he gave me were dying at home :) How sweeeeeet. Okay, he came over to slack and all and he left for tuition.

Monday was Fairfield's 120th Birthday and this explains the half-day given to Fairsians :) Decided to shop around and eat at Vivo with Feng, Mark, Theodore, Russell, Swenn & Veron. Had our lunch at Carls Jr. Chilli cheese fries as usual :] It was so fun. And i want the Pull & Bear red cardigan! It's so pretttttty, i love red now :) Anyway, met marcus around 1pm together with my friends and we went to walk around at citylink and marina square. Bought couple cellphone straps. Hehehe. Marcus has Elmo and mine's Cookie Monster :] Rahaha, but mine's hang on my school bag cos my iPhone can't hang :( I love Coookie Monster, so cuttttte. We went to Raffles City too and guess what, I saw my second brother and after moment, my Godmother =/ Why does coincidence exist! Baby has almost met my entire family already, like, by coincidence. HAHA, luckily my mom doesn't mind and my brothers are just being over protective, just like my dad, hoho. But both my brothers don't really mind me having a boyfriend, so I'm really glad :D And btw, to you know who, I. Don't. Give. A. Damn.

Today, school was alright but long and tiring! I did some really productive studying today during free periods. And i have decided to start packing lunchbox to school again, i'm spending so much during recess and given the lousy food sold in the canteen, i really wonder how i mannagge to spend so much during recess! Really! Anyway, after school had CLB, went to Dover for lunch and tried the new western stall, fish&chips. Not that bad in fact :D After class, met marcus and he sent me home. Baby, I'm sorry about last night. It was partly my fault, i'll learn to be more understanding and forgiving okay? I really don't wish to ignore you, it was really hard for me to ignore you. If i leave you, who's gonna be there to break my pocky? To wait for me outside school? To fold hearts for me for every bus-ride home? To cheer me up when i'm down? To buy drinks for me whenever i complain? Who who who? I only want you baby, just you :) I really don't wish to ignore you, so please don't start quarrelling the next time alright.

Bought japanese tea, tried the new tea bag yesterday :] Nice nice nice. Btw, i fucking hell dropped my iPhone today, there is a fucking deep crack on the bottom left!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck.

Who's gonna walk this path with me home?

BILYSM <3

2008-08-01T00:15:00.002+08:00

Hold on little girl
Show me what he's done to you
Stand up little girl
A broken heart can't be that bad
When it's through, it's through
Fate will twist the both of you
So come on baby come on over
Let me be the one to show you

I'm sorry for hurting the people around me for the past 16 years of my life, especially this year. I am learning to be a better person as each day goes by, please believe in me.

2008-07-31T20:49:00.003+08:00

Marcus and I decided to spend more time with each other on Saturday and this gave us a perfect reason to spend our day at the Zoo. We bus a long way to the Zoo but i had a really great company with me, teehee :) Bought the tickets and we toured around the Zoo, took lots and lots of random pictures. It was so funny because it was only the two of us and marcus had to keep asking random people to help us take a photo. HAHA, but it turned out really pretty, i likeeee! We took to a total of 100 pictures? Like omg right? And i found out one thing about my baby, he is afraid of OSTRICHES! Lolllll. It was so funny because he didn't dare to go near them. I love the Otters, Pola Bear, Kangarooooos & of course the Chimpanzeeeees :D They were so cute, anyway, my pumps gave me blisters (!!) And baby piggyback me for like, 3 minutes? HAHA. I had a really good time with baby, we caught a few animal shows and all. We left the Zoo about 5 to AMK Hub, wanted to watch a movie but ended up at the arcade, hehe. Walked around and decided to print some pictures we took at the Zoo, printed about 10 pictures for each of us? And guess what, i fucking left my memory card in the fucking machine (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Yes, it is gone, forever. Fucking hell, i have like hell lots of pictures in the SD card but luckily all those pictures are stored in my laptop, only the Zoo pictures with baby are all gone >:( I'm only left with those we printed out, i really wanted to cry so badly when i realize my fucking SD card was missing! But at least baby were able to capture our wonderful time at the Zoo, cos it'll always be a beautiful memory in me, although the pictures are all gone :(

On Sunday, marcus came over to my place in the morning, i was merely half-awake. This boyfriend of mine went to look for my memory card although the chances of finding it was really low, he is such a sweetheart, knowing that my card means a lot to me :) Unfortunately, he didn't get to find it :( I guess some fuck shit idiot took my card, please return it to me :) I'm desperate for my card, I'll trade for anything! I feel pathetic, but I'm gonna scan the only Zoo pictures I have asap, promise!

School for this week was torturing! Yes, pretty much sums up my busy week. I'm rushing up on revisions, coursework and my presentation. I did my presentation on Monday, it turned out alright :) My hard work did pay off. I have like TEN social studies structured essays to complete, gawd. And oh, on Monday evening, went to the stadium to watch Brazil Olympic Team VS Singapore with marcus, elizabeth, bianca, ronald, shreedhya, bella, hannah, joey, jacqueline, grace and gabriel. HAHA, it was funnnnn. Thanks baby for accompanying me, I really appreciate it a lot :) Thanks for the surprise letter and roses yesterday too, I love you :)

Thanks for the Flowers Sweetheart :)

School today was tiring, we had rehearsals for founders day service and the weather has been unforgiving, blazing hot today :( Played softball today for PE, the ball hit my right eye today and my reaction was like, "ouch, my right eye" HAHA, the ball is the hard hard baseball kinda ball okay! And I'm so gonna compliment myself for being so hardworking today :D I'm really glad I'm able to concentrate in class now and learn to listen instead of stoning :) This is just great. After school I had prize giving rehearsal again, met marcus outside school, we went to Vivo for our late lunch and well, something happened when he sent me home. I shall not elaborate :( But we kinda quarrelled and all, I really hope he'll be more understanding and patient. That's all I'll be thankful enough for, really.

Yesterday was Mrs Tan's birthday and Ian, Theodore, Veron, Grace & I decided to get her a cake and celebrate during f&n, it was so funny, especially while lighting up the candles. HAHA, ian was like, so funny.

Fate will twist the both of you.

2008-07-25T22:19:00.007+08:00

I have been rather upset these days, I'm tired of people telling me that i'm not good enough. Be it studies or other unrelated events. The point is, why should i keep my happiness at bay? I have been so unproductive due to me being unhappy most the time and i'm easily dissatisfied with almost everything in this world. I'm a big girl now, i really should learn to grow up. Besides, the time on earth is not what people imagined it to be, humans who live in this planet should be worrying about other related things, rather than complaining about things that will never ever take place. The whole point is, i have been really piss with myself these days, my work productivity has gone right down, my time spent at home or in school is rather useless, i get sleepless nights despite the exhaustion, i enjoy picking up quarrels and fights although deep down i hate it so much and will it make sense if i say that i have been crying for the stupidest reasons ever? Every other night. Sometimes things are not as complicated as it seems, it's just that i'm digging a hole with nothings beneath it. Crying really does make me feel better although all these are just my personal feelings and i'm dealing with it. I really want to listen to my favouritest song and hug my favouritest soft toy to sleep now and maybe i could sip my favouritest cup of tea and call the favouritest person in the whole wide world just to say I Love You before i just jump into bed tonight :) That will do to give me an all smiles.

Wednesday - Baking of four different types of cupcakes during f&n (butter, ghee, corn oil, vegetable shortening) On the comparison on the texture of cupcakes for f&n exam part B. I literally splattered the butter and sugar out of the mixing bowl because i accidentally turned the hand whisk full speed! But the rest of it turned out pretty good except for the last batch cos i forgot to turn on the oven timer =p So forgetful, i really get messy when it comes to baking, but still it was really fun and it tasted just fine, it just needs a teeny winny bit of improvement for the real exam next Wednesday :) Anw, after school, went to vivo for lunch with marcus :D

Yesterday after school was greatttttt (: Town with Theodore & Veronica, had lunch at Forum macs and we talked a lot, so funny. Besides, it's been century's since i've stepped into Forum. I miss Hard Rock Cafe, i so remember that lovely cafe just next door that my dad used to bring my entire family for weekend dinner. But that was really long ago :[ Time's changed, people gets uptight with work that family bonds are hard to cherish these days. Okayyyyy, back to yesterday, Toys R Us is just so BIG and fun, i loveeeee. I bought my Barbie pencil case from there, old school kkkk and Cookie Monster/Elmo waterbottle. Coolios, i'm happy! Walked around Town, so tiring. The sight of all those really new dresses and accessories is really making me go, "fuck, i need a shopping spree." Girls with be girls, if only i was born without a desire to shop all the time! I'll be so much richer, hoho.

The poor pony is screaming "bring me home tiffany!"

I will love you for life if i get Princess Sparkles!!!

School today was crazy, yes CRAZY. Time is running out and i'm being such a fucking couch potato. This explains me so much, just this morning, i ran into school like a mad chicken and the fucking bell rang, i looked at my watch and 7:21am!!!! Fuck, late again. So i was actually the first person to be late, so i stood outside the security post like a retarded monkey cursing and swearing that one minute that pronounced me as a late comer, i realise i've always been on the dot but no, this fucking one minute!!!! And there you have it, what insomnia has done to poor me. School on the later part was just taxing. Assignments, test and lectures, pretty much to perk an average student up. Told you it was crazy. After school was awesome, marcus picked me from school (: Hoho, he was late so i went to dover with ian and theodore to buy bubbletea :] Went to his house to slack and eattttt :D Marcus is mad, he fed muffin so much now that she is fucking fattttt and chubby. I should have weight her before i gave it to him so that we could tell the difference but really! She is fat fat fat cos she only eat eat eat just like marcus :)

Slipping into dreams
I feel my love surround you
My subconscious seems
To weave itself around you
Do you care for me
Beyond idolization
Tell me how you feel
But don't keep me at bay
'Cause I won't be waiting long..

2008-07-22T21:36:00.002+08:00

Just last night as I was in my room, i received a message that reads "Baby I'm sorry, Muffin and I will take care of you & I think you have a new letter." Apparently, baby and I had a heated argument before that and he cabbed to my place just to send a letter he wrote for me in my letter box. Just reading his letter, made me wonder why will i be quarreling with a boy that i fell so much for? Baby, if you're reading this, i want you to know how much I love you and how touch I was while reading your letter (: No boy has ever done just as many sweet little things for me as you have. I love you, a lot my dear Marcus. Forever baby (:

With you by my side, nothing can ever go wrong <3

2008-07-21T20:41:00.005+08:00

Notice me, take my hand
Why are we strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me

Everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song's my sorry

At night I pray
That soon your face will fade away

I'm so sick and tired of many things in my life now. I just hate everything, i hate the way i wake up in the morning with my sleepy eyes and dreadful eyebags and just drag myself to school. Monday blues, it came haunting right at me today and what made my day worst? The rain, yes. It got me late for school and it definitely made me sleep in almost all my classes. This is just madness because my prelims' in 2 weeks and yes, i am happily sleeping and stoning in class that i might even have dreams during intervals of my periods in school. This is awesome because i am not absorbing any fuckshit during lessons, someone shoot me down.

I noticed the way you looked at her, the expression you give when you talk about her and the change of mood after you saw her. It explains it all, you got to admit there's more to it than a misunderstanding. You may say that i'm too paranoid, but after today, it explains it all. Our quarrel was not supposed to be this bad but it may be your mood that changed everything. I'm really disappointment and fucking depressed now. What the fuck am i supposed to do now? Maybe i'm just not good enough for you, i'm a lousy girlfriend. I can never make things right. My life's a mess and i really need time to do something about it. I may act like i do not care, but deep down inside my very heart, i do care. It's really up to you to believe me, deep down inside, spells your very name, i need you as much as you need me. But baby, it's only a matter of time. I don't want to get hurt again, i really don't. Everything is revealing to me now, crystal clear.

Dear God, my uncle is going for a lung operation tomorrow afternoon. Doctors have found a tumour in his lung and it's really cancerous. Although we are not extremely close, but i'm still his niece and i hope you will have mercy on him and that he may have a smooth operation. Please pray for my uncle. All these that is happening makes me ponder hard, how life is so unpredictable and words and feelings are just inevitable. It pains me so hard that somehow i wish my heart has no feelings or either way, i will not be able to feel anything, anymore.

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep.

2008-07-20T21:35:00.005+08:00

Honestly what will become of me
Don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is daily
We are what we don't see
Missed everything daydreaming

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end?

Last Friday, went to yilin's place to do my video presentation. Took bus 92 and it was like a trip down memory lane, if you know what i mean though i'm practically over everything :) Sadly, my slides could not be accepted in apple's macbook >:( So, we decided to cam-whore but the pictures can't be downloaded to my laptop!!! Left yilin's place around 5 to Ikea with veronica, walked around and all. Met baby after his d&t and we went to Vivo to slackkkk (: Although it was for a short period of time, but i'm happy we spent some time together cos we won't be meeting for the weekends.

Today, my relatives from my dad's side came over to my place to celebrate some of my relatives' birthday which mostly falls on July. We catered over, so the food was goooood :] My cousin brought this Irish liqueur chocolates which tasted fab. And I caught up with most of my cousins, they were playing with my baby hamster. I was talking to my little cousin about hamsters. Muffin - which is with marcus and Xiao Long Bao - which is mine, i was asking her which was she preferred and my really cute niece, chrissy, shouted " I like doughnuts doughnuts!" HAHAHA she is just incredibly cute, she must have been wondering why are all my hamsters named after her favourite food. Lolllll.

School for the past one week is just downright fuck hell. I.Hate.School. I'm really a lousy student, waiting for a miracle to happen for my prelims results cause for now, I'm just skipping around waiting to sit for my papers with a blank mind, how funny and ironic. I know, i'm complaining yet, i'm not doing anything about it. This is just terrifying, will someone draw me back to where i belong, sometimes, i don't recognize myself, i didn't use to be like that. This is my life and i shall take full control over it right now. Take a pill, maybe to slam myself out from this crazy and hectic world. Peace.

2008-07-17T22:41:00.000+08:00

2008-07-15T20:54:00.005+08:00

I'm falling into memories of you
And things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you

I'm exhausted from school. Chapel was great, tomorrow's physics quiz and i have not started studying for it, free period was fun with the clique (: Pictures are above, we were so bored after recess, I Love You Girls :] Math and Combined Humanities was alright, stoning again. After school went to Dover with Yilin & Miki for lunch and rushed back to school for CLB, we did letter writing. Mervyn & I were totally clueless, I think i opened that big thick dictionary more than 20 times today. Cos i didn't know a single word :[ But i managed to complete it. I really need to study hard, worst for worst, I just got my prelims time-table and it's exactly a months time, this is fucking crazy. Anddddd. My stomach pain is acting up again.

I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I know you don't trust me, it's okay cos no one does anymore. You're the only person who's left who ought to trust me but until now, it's always my fault isn't it? I really have nothing left to say to you already, if you're hurt, are you saying that I'm not a single bit hurt by what you said? I did try to tell you and warn you that I have a very complicated life, and it's up to you if you are willing to give it a try. But, maybe you have regretted your choice, I'm not a single bit sure but I'll just leave you alone now, I'm really hurt deep down inside. I really feel like crying so bad. Why is it so hard for us to get along, I really want to be happy after all I've been through but still, my life is under imperfection. Why can others lead their lives so perfectly and happily while I have so much to worry about, so many things to be hurt about and so many things to be crying over at night for. WHY WHY WHY. Someone please tell me, who I've left to trust now? Are there even people who are willing to help me along? Everybody's got their problems too but why is my life so unfair? I'm so fucking hurt. You don't know what I've been through, so fuck off.

So many nights, legs tangled tight
Wrap me up in a dream with you
Close up these eyes, try not to cry
All that I've got to pull me through is memories of you
Memories of you
Memories of you
Memories of you

2008-07-14T20:12:00.004+08:00

Whoever came up with the term "Monday Blues" is sure hitting on me.

This song is just absolutely meaningful,

From the day that I saw you
I knew that we would pursue
Cause the chemistry
we felt that day
Felt so real, and so true
Looking back on the days
we spent together
How it’s been, what
we went through
Although we’ve had our
little ups and downs
We’ve still pulled through

Boy:
Baby girl you’re my
world my everything
I wanna lace you with
diamonds and every ring
Give you everything you
dream and fantasize
Cause you can tell me
that you love me
Looking in my eyes
You keep it real with me,
I keep it real with you
You keep on loving me,
I’ll keep on loving you
Keep doing what you do,
I feel your whole aura
And I can’t wait to hook up
again tomorrow baby - what

My love for you will never end
You’ll always be a part of me
As long as time keeps
on passing by
You’ll always be my baby boy.

Everytime I look at you,
I can’t believe
I’ve found a love so true (and)
I took my time to put
my trust in you
I must admit it was so hard to do
And every minute that I
spend with you
You make me believe I
have nothing to loose and
Deep down I always knew
that you would be mine

Boy:
Do you believe in destiny
Because I got a funny feeling
this was meant to be
Without you I’d be lost,
I need you next to me
Preferably in the house full
of luxuries and little kids
From day one I was sprung,
knew you was gonna be one
Cause my heart spoke for the
very first time in a long while
And every time you smile, I can see us walking up the aisle with you
carrying my child C’mon

My love for you will never end
You'll always be a part of me
As long as time keeps
on passing by
You’ll always be my baby boy

If you were to go, I don’t know
You’re the only one who
sweeps me off my feet
Makes my soul go weak
The only one who makes
my heart wanna beat and I,
I could never live without you
You know that what I feel
has to be true
Cause you’re my, my sweet love

Boy:
Ever since the first time,
that I looked into your eyes
I knew that you were
gonna be mine
Feeling you from the inside,
when you’re not by my side
You’re the only girl
that’s on my mind
I never knew a love like
this, a love so strong
A vision so picture perfect
it could never be wrong
Along the way, you’re gonna
see you belong with Jay
I might have to marry you
one day baby.

This is my chubby fat furball that I was talking about. This baby's name is Xiao Long Bao and he's ultra cute. I took him out of the cage and played with him and got him to run around since he was such a fat ass. Somehow, I pinched his cheeks and felt something rounded but hard stuffed in his mouth, and blooop, nuts came out of his cute little cheeks. Hahaha, he's such a cute hamster, storing nuts in it's own cheeks! But, i still love you Muffin :) Hehe.

I should seriously just live in my toilet since I paid a gazillion visits today. I wonder what I consumed today :( Last night, went for dinner with my relatives at Seletar Country Club. And school today was tedious. I left my laptop in my dad's car and there goes my presentation that I spent my time on last night! English was really fun, we played Taboo! Haha, so damn funny. After school, my own hair stylist got my hair cut in my own private cubicle :D HAHAH, okay kidding, Renia helped me trim my ugly fringe today in the toilet. It was damn funny but it looks okay, thanks Renia :] After school, supposed to hang out with Theodore, Swenn and the rest but I went to marcus' place instead. Muffin seems to be getting chubby day by day. And baby sent me home afterwards ;) Love.

The notes on Digestion & Enzymes is making me go crazy, fuck.
Okay I'm done rambling, I'm fucking hungry now and I need to eat before I die.
Peace.

2008-07-13T14:42:00.009+08:00

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you, I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight

I have been thinking a lot recently, about life, family, friends and relationship matters. I'm not that matured and i'm totally ignorant about many things at times. I know i'm a very dependent person afterall. But at the same time whenever I go through a real tough time, it makes me a stronger and braver girl. I'm learning to love more than hate now. I realised that the relationships i've been in, taught me many things in life. Some boys whom you have broken up with, remains your friends and most actually understands you more like a friend. And yes, most of them are plainly my very close friends while just one of them plainly don't see the picture. Why must I sink myself down in misery? I'm going to work for the things I want in life now. Besides, it's not worth getting so irritated over all these and over you. So true, i'm glad everything's over and that i'm way over you. On a random note, to love someone means that you'll never hurt them. Do you love me? Think again.

For starters, I need a new turning point as well as a reality check. My life is like a check list book, give it a tick for every little thing done, just for the memory sake. For now, I should seriously just go on with the flow, be who I am. I really need to study hard and concentrate in school, learn to accept things and treasure the people who love me right now :)

Just yesterday, I went to study with baby at Bishan Library and spent some time with him :) We ate and went to AMK hub to slackkkk and he sent me home :] Baby, I want our pictures in your phoneeeee :[ And the picture below is the "blur face" i'm gonna miss, hahaha!

Tiffany: If love is meant to hurt, why do people still fall in love?

Marcus: Cause I seriously love you and I don't mind doing anything for you.

Marcus: Even if I have to do anything baby.

Marcus: Please don't ignore me.

You're the sweetest thing baby :] Esp, when you try and cheer me up!

As I woke up this morning, I received a message that read,

Baby, if loving you was wrong, i rather not be right :)

I'm glad I have you by my side, I should have seen you a long long time ago but it's okay, at least you're mine now (: I love you, you're the sweetest boy ever. Remember the promises we made to each other yesterday, I'll never forget that bus-ride..

though time will pass me by,

i may never learn to smile again.

2008-07-11T21:39:00.003+08:00

You'll Always Be A Part Of Me ♥

School has been so much of a disaster for me. Please stop reminding me that I have less than 50 days to my N levels, let alone Prelims. I have been running into school late, so much for the rainy days. Today was a total waste of time in the morning, and I have been stoning for the rest of the periods. Free period, Swenn and I were eating and we were surrounded by the entire lower secondary and also, wondering where poor Shreedhya and Jacqueline went to. They were our long lost free period mates. So after eating, we decided to look for them at the chess table and just as we stepped out of the Canteen, we saw just the both of them, sadly eating their food. You should have seen the look on their faces, we just burst out into laughter. So bloody funny. They must have been wondering where we went to too!

After school went to baby's place to see Mufffffffin :) Omg, she's so damn cute. And did I forget to mention that Renia gave me her hamster (less than a day owned by her) and I gladly named it Xiao Long Bao, he is a fucking fat ball. Unfortunately, he is Miki's hamster's boyfriend :( This is really sad cos that hamster's owner is Japanese crazy and just as I was viewing her blog, she decided to name really weird Japanese names for her hamsters. And my poor Xiao Long Bao with China Origins (thats where he got his name from) is married to a Japanese. This is so coooool. Miki if you see this, please don't scream at me, you are Japanese crazy and you're nuts enough to give those weird names for those poor hamsters :) Please stick to the Chinese Origins :D

And yes, studying it is for me for the weekends, happy mugging :)

2008-07-10T21:44:00.001+08:00

This is why I'm always so unlucky! Today is really not my day, to start it off in the morning, my cellphone slid on the floor after dropping it 90 degrees down while trying to find my locker key. Okay, unlucky enough. Yet, I went to the toilet urgently and guess what, I forgot to take toilet paper in and I wanted to scream for help, like totally. While I was having PE, I decided to sit down and have some Pokey, I was real happy because it was Strawberry Flavour but my very nice classmates who were playing badminton happily decided to smack at least 10 shuttle cocks to my head, yes my head. This is not unlucky enough, during Recess which is the favourite period of mine, I gladly queued up for my fishball soup, no my fishball did not drop. So while I was queuing up, I was eating Watermelon and it squrit onto my blouse on my first bite >:( So, after buying my fishball soup, I angrily went back to our table and decided to take out coins to buy myself a drink and just as I did that, some very nice boys decided to kick the fucking soccer ball right at my head, YES MY HEAD, AGAIN. I seriously wanted to throw my fishballs at their faces. And to be honest, my head is like an egg now, yes. I see eggs, i feel like an egg head. This is insane, I got kicked out of Physics class for not doing homework and while erasing my mistake, i flung veron's poor eraser off the building. And to end off my school day, I got lost in TP MRT while looking for International Plaza, and you should see that dumb look on my face.

So, here you have it, my very unlucky day in school.

I'm currently debating with myself if I should go to school tomorrow because I have not started studying, doing homework or even thinking about studying! I wished I was more hardworking and persistant instead of always being a procrastinator. Omg, I'm really worried about baby. He just messaged me that he's not going to school tomorrow because he is running a fever and he is not picking up his cellphoneeeeee :( Hur hur, baby I miss you, both you and muffin >:( Get well soon sweetheart!

As promised, it was fairfield's fun fair on Saturday,

Don't Let Me Let You Go..

2008-07-09T21:40:00.015+08:00

So I write you another love song,
but can't make up the words
cause none describe the way that I feel about you
So I write another verse and hope to show the way I feel inside
The way I feel about you..

Thank You For Everything Love,

from the roses to the photo frame to the heart shaped chocolates to the really sweet heart shaped cards to the bag and of course to your kindergarten painting :) I Love You baby. Thanks for today, it was funnnnn :] I never regretted saying yes to you cos with you, life for me has never been better. You made me to become a stronger person, I used to have so many problems in life but with you by my side, things are so much more different. You're the sweetest baby ever, loveya!

My Present to you,

I really hope you like my surprise gift :) It's really cute right baby, hur hur. That's why I named it Muffin. Take good care of our baby muffin okay, or I'll kill you. Rahahaha. But still, she is second in your heart cos I'm still first :] Hope whenever you play or look at her you'll think of me okay? I Love You Marcus Seah Kai Jie <3

2008-07-08T20:18:00.003+08:00

Call me a queer, I am ultra weird. Despite having a really bad soar throat, I am happily having deep fried food either for recess, lunch or dinner. Great. And no amount of strepsils baby bought for me can cure my throat itchiness. Call me a stubborn horse. A person indulges themself with fried food for meals but dosage great amount of strepsils. What a combination..

Monday was Youth Day, great, a lame excuse to hand in all my homework as well as revision. I don't understand what on earth is Youth Day for, a day of rest for teenagers perhaps? Then why on earth are my parents asking me to sit down and study 5 hours straight. Just insanely crazy. And of course, school as usual for the Secondary 4/5 today and great, E-learning for the rest of the population. Chapel and Service Learning talks in the hall today, i was either sleeping or talking crap with Miki. Dreadful! I am gonna be fucking honest now, I spent nearly 6 bucks on food alone today, I mean SCHOOL FOOD. Wtf, I still told myself before I went to sleep that I. Must. Go. On. A. Diet!!!!!!!!!!!! And I usually spend $2.50 alone on recess. So, how thefuckingshithell did I eat so much?! I am gonna vomit now, somehow i wish i had bulimia. Gee, I'm nuts. After school went to Holland with baby, Miki, Mark, Veron & Latonia for lunch and went home. I'm so beat today. Insomnia Insomnia, you're back for me again, screams.

Marcus is so so so hot-tempered. So I think I should stop here before he screams at me :) Kidding. Tomorrow faster comeeeeee :] Can't wait, it's special. Love <3

I Wished You Were More Understanding.

2008-07-06T13:34:00.016+08:00

We don't need to go that far,

Lets hold on to where we are.
If it's real we'll make it through,

Cause all I need is You.

What is the only thing you can never ever get to change? Time. It is something that is worth a lot to humans but many thinks that time can never end in their hands but that is totally false. Time cannot be changed. However, we cannot control time. Often, people say, "if only we can rewind, if only we can pause time." This are just "if only." It's only a duration meant for pointless remarks. I have been wasting precious time. Which is totally pointless, cause many say, "time is precious, let's not waste time and make the best of it." On a lighter note, I agree to this extend that, I shall start making good use of the time I have and stop bitching that I. Do. Not. Have. Enough. Time. This words are definitely inevitable.

I have been catching really interesting movies recently, 21 and Ten Promises to My Dog.

I thought 21 would be a down right disappointment but it was really catchy and nice, so much of Las Vegas, memories :) And for 10 Promises to My Dog, it was so heartwarming. I mean, I never imagined so hard that animals, even those fishes, have feelings too. They only have their owners to depend on, that's all they have. Where as, we have so many things in life to count on for. Animals are different by nature but somehow, we are all made to be the same and also, treated the same. So please treat your little pets nicely, they have feelings and wants to be loved too :)

Happy Birthday Brother {this is the latest picture I can find} Loveyou!

Thursday and Friday was funnnnnn (: Funfair preparations, as well as cam-whoring with my girlfriends. Mervyn, Benji, Miki, Yilin and I climbed up to the school's rooftop, we got caught a few times but we gave really silly excuses, hahaha. It was damn risky but still, it was fun up there. We are planning to go star gazing up there one day, yay. After school on Thursday, went to Vivo with Veronica and Miki to shop and eat :D We needed a good break. Thanks you guys for being there for me when I always needed you, I'm always here for you too when all else fails :) Love. Friday, was America's independence day (: Went to Vivo with baby for lunch and PS to catch a movie. He sent me home and my second brother was having his birthday and farewell party at my place, his friends were all at my place, super a lot of people. BBQ burgers for dinner and I learnt to play Mahjong! Okay, just a lil bit. Tim and Jacq taught me =p Heh.

Fairfield Funfair was indeed fun (: I'll upload the pictures on the next post. Our preparations and hard work paid off. Thanks a lot to my C-mates and Teachers for making this a successful one. It also brought our class spirit back again. I'm really happy we're all friends again, I don't ask for much but at least we are all back to where we started off and for that I'm really thankful enough already :) Early morning, dad dropped me at the nearest MRT and I met baby, he sent me all the way to school, heh love you :) Afternoon, baby and his friends came for a while and I met him after the funfair. We went to Clarke Quay, some Jap Restaurant for dinner, yes my Cha Sobaaaaa :) And walked around and slackkk. Omg, baby, I Love You. Thanks for making my day, you're the best.

Just Need You To Trust Me..

2008-07-01T21:48:00.004+08:00

{Don't read this if you do not want to look like a tomato}

I didn't know that my life is so interesting that it got everybody talking about it, i didn't realize I could be your hot topic and that's all you people are "concern" about. Go ahead and talk about me, make me happy :) I hope my life and the things happening in my very interesting life can refrain you people from your old and boring days :) I enjoy the attention, thank you. If i can be that "high profile" to subject me as your hot topic then very well. You people like staring and looking at me in school, maybe that's too much attention for me but well, I still appreciate it :) I should update my blog more often so you people won't be bored and at the same time result in finding who to "hate" next. Pity you. But after reading this post, maybe your eyes should be kept to yourself if you don't even like me a bit, what for make yourself angry? When I'm happily living my very blessed life? I have a wonderful family to always count on, my parents and brothers who are always there for me, my wonderful good friends who treat our friendship ties very closely just like sisters and a boyfriend who loves and treats me well :) What more can I ask for? So, it's my life, if I'm bitching about my life down here it's because this is my blog and I like bitching more than blogging if you're not too dumb to understand :) Anyway, it's really really really my life and I'm enjoying every bit of it. Studying to get my A's, cherishing every moment with my loved ones and loving every single bit about being just me, i don't need anybody to judge me or tell me what to do. Because if you want to hear a one-sided story, then that's just up to you, suit your bloody self :) What's the point of making me miserable? Will that make you feel happy at all? No. Cause it really doesn't affect me a bit. So please get a life, it's not too late, really. I'm happy and i think you people should be happy too, don't get angry for no reason cause my life has really nothing to do with you people at all :) Hate me, for all I care. Cheer up will ya'll? =p I'm sorry if this piss you off but I did warn you before you read this post, didn't I :)

Omg, English N Level Oral Examination tomorrowwwwww :[ God Bless me, please :) I need strength and motivation to start studying hard right nowwwww. Rushing on my coursework, damn.

XOXO

2008-06-29T17:30:00.007+08:00

For Someone Who Is Special

I Love You because,
you never fail to be there for me whenever I needed you.

I Love You because,
you never fail to make time for me.

I Love You because,
your messages are always making me smile to myself.

I Love You because,
whenever you hug me tight, you never want to let me go.

I Love You because,
you assure me that you will never leave me and you mean it when you say forever.

I Love You because,
whenever we quarrel, you are always the one who apologizes even if it was my fault.

I Love You because,
whenever I'm having slight coughs, you'll ask me to drink more water.

I Love You because,
when i wear my heels and get busted blisters, you'll ask me to apply cream.

I Love You because,
when my contact lenses itches my eyes, you'll ask me to apply eye drops.

I Love You because,
you are patient with me, given my bad attitude.

I Love You because,
you are always giving in to me.

I Love You because,
whenever I'm feeling down you're always there to cheer me up.

I Love You because,
your jokes are not funny but yet they make me laugh.

I Love You because,
whenever you walk me home, you never fail to turn and look right back at me.

I Love You because,
you are the first person who decided to have our very own blog.

I Love You because,
you will wait for me for a long time to decide what I really want to eat.

I Love You because,
you're always the one waiting for me to arrive and hardly complain about me being late.

I Love You because,
you came by my house to pass me breakfast in the morning.

I Love You because,
you know that my friends are important to me and you treat them as nice.

I Love You because,
you are always worried about my safety despite assuring you that I'm okay.

I Love You because,
my picture is placed on your Phone & MSN display picture :)

I Love You because,
whenever I get angry with you, you will resort to all kinds of ways to cheer me up.

I Love You because,
you are willing to share my problems together.

I Love You because,
you always pretend to agree with me even if you disagreed.

I Love You because,
you treasure and cherish me well.

I Love You because,
whenever I got angry, you always reflected on yourself.

I Love You because,
you respect me and that allows me to be myself whenever I'm with you.

I Love You because,
you're always there with a shoulder for me to lend on to.

I Love You because,
your hand is there to hold me and to guide me along my terrible days.

I Love You because,
I know how much you love me, your family and your friends.

I Love You because,
you're always at all smiles whenever I want to take a picture of you.

I Love You because,
you're there to tell me that everything's gonna be okay.

I Love You because,
you are always honest with me and telling me sorry and that it'll never happen again.

I Love You because,
I know you're willing to change your bad habits for the sake of me.

I Love You because,
you announced I Love You back to me on a dedication over the radio.

I Love You because,
whenever I laugh at something ridiculous, you will still laugh along.

I Love You because,
you are very concerned over our relationship and take this seriously.

I Love You because,
I trust you and i trust that you will keep all your promises.

I Love You because,
you treat me like your Princess and want the best for me.

I Love You because,
i yet to tell you how much I Love You.

Whenever I say I Love You, this is how much it means to me.
I Love You <3